Hello lovelies! It has been quite a while since I shared my last recipe post with you. The time has come to reignite my passion for vegan and gluten-free cooking. What happened? Why was I gone for so long?
The photo for this post was taken by my favorite person in our then beautifully growing garden. When I look at it, I have very mixed feelings. The Jana in this photo had no idea that her world was about to be turned completely upside down.
A note: In the following, I will talk about illness and death. This is probably the most personal thing I have shared on my blog so far.
In 2022, I received news that no one wants to hear. A very close family member was terminally ill. The prognosis was not good. So, I dropped everything and traveled back to Germany to be there and share as much time as possible.
I knew it would be very challenging. I could not have imagined how much it would pull at me and how it would affect me sustainably and long-term.
Some of you reading this have likely experienced something similar. Watching a loved one suffer and accompany them in their dying process does not leave one unscathed.
I am grateful that I could help, that I could support. And that we could say goodbye to each other. That I could be there until the last breath. No matter how hard it was.
As a highly empathetic person, I always find it difficult to separate myself from the suffering of others. And when it comes to a very close family member, it is so much harder. The last weeks, days, and hours leading up to the death were the hardest time I have ever experienced. And it left its marks.
It took years for me to realize that I was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. The daily recurring flashbacks, my complete withdrawal from friends and family, and my disinterest in everything that used to bring me joy were the most obvious signs. I needed the distance, the time, to see it. And as the saying goes, time heals all wounds. Almost.
I was burnt out, traumatized, and heartbreakingly sad. The world was no longer the same.
It took a long time. And slowly I began to feel better, slowly joy for life returned. Slowly, the blossoms of my creativity and passion began to open.
Why am I sharing all of this? If I can help just one person get the right support when they go through something similar, it is worth it to me. Do not underestimate how important it is to seek professional help when we find ourselves in such a situation.
And of course, I also want to explain why I was gone for so long. I apologize to everyone who has been waiting for a response to a comment or message from me for a long time. I will do my best to reply to everyone. Thank you for your understanding; I appreciate it.
Now I am back! I have new recipes to share. There are new ideas and projects. Some things will change. There is a new newsletter. Sign up if you don’t want to miss anything.
I am excited to share my passion with you.
Many warm regards,
Jana
Hi Jana, I’m so glad you are back. I often dip into your website and facebook page to see if you have posted any new recipes. I’m so sorry you have had such a tough time lately. I think of you often and remember fondly of the times we worked together in the orchard. Our kids are all teenagers now and have started to make their own way in the world. All the best with your new recipes and I look forward to hearing how you are. God Bless You.
Hi Angela,
Thank you so much for your lovely comment and thoughtful words. Much appreciated!
All the best to your and your loved ones,
Jana xx